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| hey!
im going to ignore this blog. I'll be setting a new one after my exams in blogspot.
i'll update you guys on it!
TA! | | |
| i have 10 subjects. Its just 10. people have gone for 14 and managed to get straights. I need those 10. and now, i cant even freaking remember anything. At all. Im so stressed that I cry and think about how the hell am I going to go through the exam. The load is on me. I'm the only freaking child in the family and I want to make my parents proud. I want my parents to say to my relatives that I got so so A's. If I dont get that, not only my relatives would just be critisizing me saying that I was put into a private school and yet I couldnt score so so A's. I would make my family proud if I managed to get those A's. The first on my father's side. The 4th on my mom's. I need to live up to that standard. So what do I do?
I go to school, complete my homework, rushing like hell to do 2 essays. Go for classes feeling relieved that I managed to finish the homework, and then discuss the answers, and pray that i just dont fall asleep during bio class, collect more homework. Go back home, take a shower, eat, get ready for tuition, and go for tuition. I come back home thinking that I managed to go through tuition without sleeping. I come back home, eat dinner, do my school homework, study. oh what's the time? 12.30. I wake up at 6 to get ready for school. And it repeats for the next 4 days. My weekends are the same. Its just that school is replaced with 3 different tuition classes. Oh how nice. Tell me, I'm just crazy. I think I am too. I keep telling myself it's only for another 3 more months and then I'll be fine, free!! But can I go on for 3 more months? Can my body go on for 3 more months? Can my brain go on for 3 more months?
I've got so many so many other subjects to cover up and trials are in 2 weeks. I already feel exausted and the only thing that is keeping me going are the thoughts of going to prom with my dress, flying to Australia to live with my cousin for 2 months, to take up dance classes, japanese classes, pick up tennis again, picking up the piano and the violin again, work in an ice-cream parlour and the many other things I want to do after SPM.
For now, all those thoughts are almost fading away as I start to think about my trial exams coming up. I can frankly say that I am not prepared and the subjects I'm best at is starting to be one of the worst. I sit here and cry as I type this thinking how can I do this with flow and no disturbance at all, no distraction, no problems. I think and think about it and still I cannot find an answer. The thought of killing myself popped into my head but I'm too chicken to do it anyway and I wouldnt know how.
As I look at my friends, they seem so happy and relaxed. Stress-free. I look at myself in the mirror, looking at the reflection of a person who is tired, stressed, depressed, and dead. How do they do it? Are they just born with with intelligence? It seems like they can do it without going for so many extra classes and without studying. Why can't I be like that?
There's no point crying is there? Maybe all I need is someone to look after me. Maybe all I need is for someone to say it's alright and it doesnt matter if you get only a handful of A's. Maybe all I need is someone for me to hug and cry on until I feel alright. I just need someone to hold my hand. I just need someone to sit here with me and support me all the way until SPM is over. I just need someone to be by my side. I need someone to be here for me.
AOMQ
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| The Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.
1) How are you feeling today?
"The Great Escape"
- i dun feel like making a great escape -
2) Will you get far in life?
"Potential Break Up Song"
- erm, yeah i will -
3) What's your best friend's theme song?
" A Thousand Miles"
- haha... white chicks -
4) What is the story of your life?
"Til The Dawn"
- just til dawn???? -
5) What was high school like?
"My Funny Valentine"
- NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! -
6) How can you get ahead with life?
"Only Hope"
- yeah, hope -
7) Whats the best thing about your friends?
"I Wont Say I'm In Love"
- i tell them when i fall for someone -
8) Describe your grandparents.
"Umbrella"
- lol -
9) How's your life going?
"I Just Can't Wait To Be King"
- sure, im a guy now.. -
10) What will be played at my funeral?
"YMCA"
- haha.. you'll never know, i might jump out of my coffin and start dancing -
11) Will you have a happy life?
"When Starts Go Blue"
- walao... im happy now... the stars arent blue... -
12) What do your friends really think of you?
"Patience"
- i do have that... the actually think im nuts to have so much patience when i do my art projects -
13) Do people secretly lust after you?
"Nightmare"
- could i be a nightmare?? -
14) How can you make yourself happy?
"Love Story"
- i love reading romance novels... -
15) What should you do with your life?
"Fergalicious"
- be fergie?? -
16) Will you ever have children?
"Hands Down"
- i want children!!! -
17) What song would you strip to?
"Bleed It Out"
- rofl -
18) What does your mom thinks of you?
"Senorita"
- of course im a girl.. -
19) What is your deep, dark secret?
"Heaven Knows"
- haha.. heaven knows.. -
20) What is your enemy's theme song?
"Hey There Delilah"
- so chun wan??? -
21) Whats your personality like?
"Dancing In The Moonlight"
- haha.. i love to dance.. -
22) What will be played at your wedding?
"Wasted"
- wow.. i'll make sure my bridemaids get wasted!! -
I TAG..
- sue
- brian
- whoever wants to do it... | | |
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